After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i now understand why vodka
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize