i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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