Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
