is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
