so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
