carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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