I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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