Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
