i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
