I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
