i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
