so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
