I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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