Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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