I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i drank out of a bidet.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
