found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
