The maid of honor just puked.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
