I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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