My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
