You're my little dorito
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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