Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
