I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
