i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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