phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
