Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i think i just lost a toe
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize