I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
