you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
