i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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