It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
