im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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