Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
