well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
