Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
