shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
