I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
