Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize