This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
