I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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