If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
