Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...

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(815): View more from Illinois

I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead

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(618): View more from Illinois

Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.

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(516): View more from New York

she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.

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(719): View more from Colorado

tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot

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