at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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