I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
