So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
