the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize