Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She bit a glass in half.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
