Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
