glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
