Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
