I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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