I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
