There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
