theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
operation have a gay friend backfired
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
