Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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