Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
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