What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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