This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
