I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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