Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
