I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
