At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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