Can i not drive my cunt home
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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