We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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