Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You left your phone here
Wait...
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