Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
