I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
