I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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