This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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