found the other keg... it's in the tree
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize