you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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