Do you still have your period?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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