How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
