I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think my vagina is haunted
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
